Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
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