No awkward lesbian experiences without me
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
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