me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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