i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
someone owes me an orgasm
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
