Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Randomize
