You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I love you. Go after that dick
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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