Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
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