He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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