I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
