i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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