Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
