i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
