Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
