Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
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I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
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Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now