I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over