I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
Randomize
