He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.