Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.