I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Randomize
