just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
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Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
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No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.