so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
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