i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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