This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I'm not saying I want a booty call. I just want what Cory and Topanga had.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
