life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
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