I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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