just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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