can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
i may or may not be watching the land before time
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
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