I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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