My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Guess the answer to the last 2 texts right and you'll get a boob shot tonight. Guess wrong and it will be a picture of a used, boogery kleenex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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