At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
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