She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
