You can't motorboat a personality
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
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