I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
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So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
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Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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