I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
