terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
Btw, whenever you feel discouraged about your life, think about me being frantically upset bc my mobile porn site limited me to only 5 videos a day
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
