I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
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