i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I touched a dick in church today
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Randomize
