Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Randomize
