I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
