After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
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