So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
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