yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Randomize
