First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
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She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
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just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
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