I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
