It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
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