Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
