hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Your dad touched me again.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Randomize
