I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
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