i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
