I swear she didn't look like that last week.
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
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