on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
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