is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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