he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
How external is "for external use only"?
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Randomize
