Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
is this the sara with the beer cane?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Randomize
