We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
you will always have a special place in my vag
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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