You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
OPIZZABONMYDICK
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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