I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
