woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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