if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
