I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
