So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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