did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
