please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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