hell yes lets make some ravioli
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
