I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Randomize
