It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
Randomize
