I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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