omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
