I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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