some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
Randomize
