i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
