If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
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