we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
Randomize
