mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
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