we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize