My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
