the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
